The Astonishing Color of After

Emily X.R. Pan's debut novel is a stunning exploration of grief, love, and identity through the eyes of Leigh Chen Sanders, a biracial teenager. After her mother dies by suicide, Leigh believes her mother has transformed into a red bird, leading her on a journey to Taiwan to meet her estranged maternal grandparents. The narrative beautifully weaves together magical realism, family history, and Leigh's artistic expression as she uncovers long-held secrets, navigates a complex first crush, and learns to reconcile her loss with hope. This book offers a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of mental health, suicide, and the complexities of cultural identity, making it a powerful read for young adults and a valuable tool for discussion.

"Emily X.R. Pan's brilliantly crafted, harrowing first novel portrays the vast spectrum of love and grief with heart-wrenching beauty and candor. This is a very special book."--John Green, bestselling author of The Fault in Our Stars and Turtles All the Way Down A stunning, heartbreaking debut novel about grief, love, and family, perfect for fans of Jandy Nelson and Celeste Ng. An APALA Honor BookA Walter Award Honor Book Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: When her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird. Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, travels to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time. There, she is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. And as she grieves, she must try to reconcile the fact that on the same day she kissed her best friend and longtime secret crush, Axel, her mother was taking her own life. Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a stunning and heartbreaking novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love.