Children notice differences. They point at wheelchairs, hearing aids, prosthetic limbs, and bodies that move differently than theirs. They ask questions at full volume in grocery stores. Parents, mortified, shush them. and in doing so, teach them that disability is an unspeakable thing.
It's not. Disability is a fact of human diversity. One in four Americans has a disability. Your child will have classmates, teammates, colleagues, friends, and possibly family members with disabilities. The question isn't whether they'll encounter disability. it's whether you've given them the framework to encounter it with understanding rather than pity, curiosity rather than discomfort, and respect rather than condescension.
This guide centers the voices and perspectives of disabled people. The primary sources include TASH (tash.org. an organization advocating for full inclusion of people with disabilities), the Disability Visibility Project (disabilityvisibilityproject.com) founded by Alice Wong, the work of disability rights advocate and author Judy Heumann, and the National Center on Disability and Journalism's language guidelines.
A note on language: This guide uses identity-first language ("disabled person") alongside person-first language ("person with a disability") because the disability community itself is divided on preference, and both are legitimate. Many autistic adults prefer "autistic person" over "person with autism." Many Deaf people prefer "Deaf" (capitalized, as a cultural identity). When in doubt, ask the individual what they prefer. When speaking generally, either construction is respectful.
Don't shush. Don't redirect. Don't apologize to the person.
The shush teaches shame. The redirect teaches avoidance. The apology teaches that the disabled person has been injured by being noticed. which is itself a problem.
Instead: answer the question simply and honestly.
"Why is that person in a wheelchair?" → "Some people's legs don't work the way yours do, so they use a wheelchair to get around. It's like how some people wear glasses because their eyes need help."
"What's wrong with their face?" → "Nothing is wrong. That person's face looks different from yours. People's bodies come in all different shapes and sizes."
"Can they hear me?" (about a Deaf person) → "That person is Deaf, which means their ears don't hear sounds. They might talk with their hands using sign language. That's a whole language, just like Spanish or French."
If the disabled person is present and your child has asked loudly, it's okay to include them: "My child is curious about your wheelchair. Would you mind if we asked you about it?" Most disabled people. especially those who interact with children regularly. are comfortable with honest questions asked respectfully. They are not comfortable with being talked about in the third person while standing right there.
“Shushing a child's question about disability teaches them that disability is shameful. Answering it teaches them that people come in different configurations.
Disability is natural, not tragic. The Disability Visibility Project and disability rights advocates consistently push back against the "inspiration porn" narrative. the idea that disabled people are brave or inspiring simply for existing. Disabled people live full, ordinary, complicated lives. The kid in the wheelchair at school isn't "brave for being there." They're just at school, like everyone else.
Access is a right, not a favor. Ramps, captioning, Braille, sign language interpreters, sensory-friendly spaces. these aren't special accommodations. They're how the world is made accessible to people who are already part of it. Teaching your child this reframe changes how they think about disability: not "they need extra help" but "the world should have been built for them too."
Disabled people are the experts on their own experience. This is the most important principle. A nondisabled parent or teacher telling a child what disability "is like" is secondhand at best. Books written by disabled authors, stories told by disabled characters, and conversations with disabled people are the primary sources. Everything else is commentary.
The key word is authentic. Books about disability written by nondisabled authors often center the nondisabled character's learning experience rather than the disabled character's actual life. The best books are written by or with disabled creators and center disabled characters as full people, not teaching tools.
For ages 3-6:
For ages 5-9:
For ages 8-12:
See our collections: Books for Kids Who Feel Different, Books About Empathy for Kids
“Shushing a child's question about disability teaches them that disability is shameful. Answering it teaches them that people come in different configurations.