For families navigating the complexities of sibling relationships, this story explores the frustrations and unexpected bonds between two very different sisters.
A parent might reach for this book when dealing with intense, ongoing sibling rivalry, especially when one child feels consistently overshadowed or embarrassed by another. 'And You Give Me a Pain, Elaine' is the story of thirteen-year-old Andrea, who is starting junior high and just wants to fit in. Her biggest obstacle is her rebellious, dramatic older sister, Elaine, whose behavior causes constant friction at home and humiliation at school. The story validates the powerful and often conflicting emotions of jealousy, frustration, and deep-seated love within a family. It’s a perfect choice for middle schoolers navigating their own identity apart from their siblings and learning that empathy is key to understanding family.
The central conflict involves a teenager acting out and running away from home. The reasons for Elaine's behavior are explored through the lens of family dynamics rather than a clinical diagnosis. The approach is direct, secular, and realistic, focusing on the emotional impact on the younger sibling. The resolution is hopeful but grounded: the sisters reach a new understanding, but the underlying family issues are not magically solved, suggesting an ongoing process of communication and growth.
Ideal Reader
This book is for a 10 to 13-year-old, particularly a child who feels like the 'good kid' or the 'quiet one' in the family and is deeply frustrated by a sibling who takes up all the emotional space. It will resonate strongly with readers who know the unique pain of being embarrassed by a family member they also love.
Parent Prep
The book was published in 1978, so parents might want to note that some cultural references, slang, and technology (or lack thereof) are dated. The core emotional story is timeless, but a brief conversation about the setting might be helpful. The family conflict and emotional distress are realistically portrayed and can be read without specific preparation. The parent has just refereed another screaming match between siblings. One child has shouted, "She ruins everything!" or "Why do you always pay attention to her?" The parent is exhausted by the constant conflict and is looking for a way to help their children see each other's perspectives.
Age Experience
A younger reader (10-11) will likely identify strongly with Andrea's frustration and see Elaine as simply 'the problem'. An older reader (12-14) is more equipped to pick up on the nuance of Elaine's own unhappiness and recognize her behavior as a cry for help. They will grasp the more complex themes of identity and empathy on a deeper level.
What Makes It Special
Among many books on sibling rivalry, this one stands out for its realistic, non-sensationalized portrayal of chronic, everyday friction. It doesn't rely on a single major trauma. Instead, its strength is in capturing the slow-burn annoyance and the complex love-hate relationship that defines many sibling dynamics. The focus is on achieving empathy rather than 'fixing' the difficult sibling.
Read plot summary
Thirteen-year-old Andrea is starting seventh grade, desperate to establish her own identity. Her efforts are constantly thwarted by her sixteen-year-old sister, Elaine, a rebellious nonconformist whose dramatic behavior mortifies Andrea and consumes their parents' attention. As Andrea navigates new friendships and a crush on a boy named Joe, her resentment toward Elaine grows. The family tension culminates when Elaine runs away from home, forcing a terrified Andrea to confront her complicated feelings of anger, jealousy, and fierce loyalty toward her sister, leading to a new, more empathetic understanding between them.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.
Discussion Prompts
1
Andrea often feels like her parents only pay attention to Elaine's problems. Do you think her parents are being fair? What is one thing they could have done differently to support both girls?
2
Why do you think Elaine acts the way she does? Do you see her as just a 'pain,' or are there moments where you feel sympathy for her? What do you think she really wants?
3
When Elaine runs away, Andrea's feelings switch from anger to fear. Why do you think it took such a serious event for her to see her sister differently?
4
Andrea's new friend, Cindy, is very critical of Elaine. How does friendship influence the way Andrea sees her own family? Was Cindy being a good friend in those moments?
