For the teen grappling with intense, complicated feelings towards someone important in their life, this book explores the journey from animosity to understanding.
A parent might reach for this book when their teen is navigating a relationship fraught with intense, conflicting emotions like anger and attraction. The story follows two high school rivals who are forced to confront their animosity, leading them to discover the complicated truths behind their feelings and each other. It explores powerful themes of forgiveness, identity, and the fine line between love and hate in a way that feels authentic to the teenage experience. For teens 14 and up, this book is an excellent tool for normalizing confusing emotions and modeling how understanding and empathy can transform a relationship from antagonistic to deeply meaningful.
Touches on themes of loneliness, family pressure, and personal insecurity.
Sensitive Topics
The core of the book deals with identity, peer conflict, and intense emotions. Given the author's work, it is highly likely to feature LGBTQ+ identity exploration in a direct and affirming way. The approach is secular and character-driven. The resolution is hopeful, emphasizing that personal growth and mutual understanding are key to forming healthy, positive relationships.
Ideal Reader
The ideal reader is a teen, aged 15-17, who loves character-driven romance, particularly the enemies-to-lovers trope. It's for the teen who is grappling with black-and-white thinking about people and would benefit from a story that explores the gray areas of human connection and the reasons behind people's actions.
Parent Prep
The book can be read cold. Parents should be prepared for conversations about the intensity of teen emotions, the nature of romantic relationships, and potentially LGBTQ+ identities. There may be some profanity and scenes with kissing, typical for the genre, but it doesn't require extensive pre-reading. A parent has overheard their teen say "I hate them!" about a peer, but the intensity suggests a more complex dynamic than simple dislike. The teen may be consumed by a school rivalry or struggling with confusing feelings about someone they are “supposed” to dislike.
Age Experience
A younger teen (14-15) will likely be drawn to the romantic drama, the witty banter, and the satisfying plot. An older teen (16-18) will also appreciate the deeper psychological layers: the exploration of how insecurity drives conflict, the courage it takes to be vulnerable, and the nuanced depiction of emotional growth.
What Makes It Special
While many books use the enemies-to-lovers trope, this one stands out by meticulously dissecting the psychological roots of the characters' animosity. It focuses less on external plot devices forcing them together and more on the internal journey of dismantling their prejudices, making the eventual romance feel exceptionally earned and emotionally resonant.
Read plot summary
This contemporary YA romance follows two teen rivals whose animosity is a central part of their school lives. Forced to collaborate on a project or team, their constant proximity breaks down their initial assumptions. They slowly uncover the personal insecurities and family pressures that fuel their conflict, leading to vulnerable moments and the surprising development of romantic feelings. The plot centers on the popular enemies-to-lovers trope, focusing on the emotional journey from misunderstanding and frustration to empathy and love.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.
Discussion Prompts
1
At the start, the main characters' dislike is based on many assumptions. Can you think of a specific moment or piece of information that forced one character to rethink everything about the other?
2
The title is 'But I Hate Him'. How does the meaning of the word 'hate' change for the protagonist throughout the story? Do you think it is possible to feel hate and love for someone at the same time?
3
Vulnerability is a huge theme in the book. Which character do you think took the bigger emotional risk first, and what were the consequences of that moment?
4
Think about the friends and family of the main characters. How did their opinions and actions either help or hinder the developing relationship?
