A parent should reach for this book when they need a direct, gentle, and informative resource to help a child understand and cope with a family member's alcoholism. This classic non-fiction guide explains alcoholism as a disease in age-appropriate terms, describing the unpredictable behavior and family stress that often result. It directly addresses the difficult emotions a child may feel, such as guilt, shame, and anger, reassuring them that these feelings are normal and that the parent's drinking is not their fault. By providing concrete coping mechanisms and information about seeking help, this book empowers children to navigate a difficult home environment and build their own resilience.
Describes potentially frightening parental behavior like yelling, crying, and unpredictability.
Sensitive Topics
The core topic is parental substance abuse (alcoholism). The approach is direct, clinical, and secular, framing alcoholism as a treatable disease, not a moral failing. The resolution offered is not a promise that the parent will recover, but rather a realistic and hopeful path for the child to secure their own well-being and emotional health. It focuses on the child's agency and resilience regardless of the parent's choices.
Ideal Reader
A child aged 9 to 14 who is living with or regularly impacted by a parent's or close relative's alcohol use disorder. This child likely feels confused, isolated, ashamed, and may be taking on premature caregiving roles. They need direct information, validation that their feelings are normal, and reassurance that they are not to blame.
Parent Prep
The book is safe to read cold, but a parent should preview it to be prepared for the conversations it will spark. Specifically, Chapter 7, "Getting Help," which discusses talking to other adults and support groups, is one to review. A parent should be ready to help their child identify a trusted adult if they are not the safe parent. A parent has overheard their child lying to a friend about why a family event was canceled, or has seen their child trying to clean up after the parent who drinks. The child might ask direct questions ("Why is Dad always so angry?") or display symptoms of anxiety, like stomachaches or trouble sleeping.
Age Experience
A younger reader (9-11) will likely connect most with the concrete explanations of behavior ("This is why promises are broken") and the immediate safety tips. An older reader (12-14) will better grasp the abstract concept of alcoholism as a disease, the complex emotional toll, and may be more capable of independently exploring the external resources suggested, like Alateen.
What Makes It Special
Its primary differentiator, especially given its 1979 publication date, is its direct, non-fiction, guidebook format. Unlike fictional stories that embed a message, this book speaks directly to the child as a compassionate, authoritative resource. It demystifies a scary topic with clarity, avoiding narrative complexity to deliver essential information and coping skills. Its enduring relevance is a testament to its effectiveness.
Read plot summary
This non-fiction guide explains the disease of alcoholism directly to children. It covers what alcohol does to the body, why a person with alcoholism may behave erratically (e.g., making and breaking promises, having mood swings), and the effect this has on the family unit. The book methodically addresses common feelings children experience, such as shame, guilt, and anger, while providing practical, actionable advice. This includes strategies for how to stay safe, internalizing the message that they are not responsible for the parent's drinking, and how to find outside help from trusted adults or groups like Alateen.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.
Discussion Prompts
1
The book explains that alcoholism is a disease. How does thinking of it as a disease, instead of just bad behavior, change how you might feel about the situation?
2
The book mentions the 'three Cs': you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. Which of these was the most helpful for you to read? Why?
3
In the chapter on getting help, the author suggests finding a 'safe person' to talk to. Who are some people in your life who could be a safe person? What makes them feel safe to you?
4
The book talks about how children of alcoholics might feel ashamed or try to keep the drinking a secret. Why do you think it feels so important to keep it a secret, and why does the book say talking about it can help?
