A parent might reach for this book when their teen is struggling with the immense pressure of a parent's mental illness and the burden of keeping it a secret. This novel follows Ryan, a high school junior who is secretly the primary caregiver for his younger brother and his severely depressed mother, a year after his father’s death by suicide. The story unflinchingly explores themes of grief, anxiety, overwhelming responsibility, and the deep loneliness that comes from hiding a painful reality. Recommended for ages 14 and up, this book offers a powerful and validating mirror for teens in similar situations, showing them they are not alone and that seeking help is a courageous step toward healing for the whole family.
The book deals directly and realistically with parental mental illness (severe depression) and the aftermath of a parent's suicide. The approach is secular, focusing on the emotional and psychological impact on the surviving family members. The resolution is hopeful but realistic: problems are not magically solved, but the family takes the first crucial steps toward getting professional help and beginning to heal.
Ideal Reader
A teen, aged 14 to 17, who is acting as a young caregiver for a parent with a mental or physical illness. This reader feels isolated, overly responsible, and is trying to appear "normal" to their peers. They need to see their experience reflected and understand that seeking support is not a betrayal of their family.
Parent Prep
Parents should be prepared to discuss suicide, depression, and the concept of parental neglect (even when unintentional due to illness). The depiction of the mother's depression is stark and may be upsetting. No specific pages need previewing, but a post-reading conversation is highly recommended to process the heavy themes. A parent notices their teen is withdrawn, anxious, and seems to be carrying the weight of the world. The teen might be missing school, dropping grades, or making vague comments about problems at home but refuses to elaborate. They seem to be protecting a parent or a family situation.
Age Experience
A younger teen (13-14) might focus more on the injustice of Ryan's situation and the budding romance with Nicki. An older teen (15-18) will likely connect more deeply with the psychological weight of Ryan's responsibility, the complexities of his grief, and the difficult decision to break the family's silence.
What Makes It Special
Many YA books address a teen's own mental illness. This book is unique for its sharp focus on the experience of a teen caregiver for a parent with a mental illness. It expertly explores the specific burden of parentalization and the conflict between family loyalty and personal self-preservation.
Read plot summary
Sixteen-year-old Ryan is struggling to care for his younger brother and his severely depressed, bedridden mother one year after his father's death by suicide. He hides the truth from everyone at school, including his new girlfriend, Nicki, who senses something is wrong. The novel follows his journey of grappling with this immense responsibility, his own grief, and the agonizing decision to finally seek help from other adults, breaking the family's suffocating silence.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.
Discussion Prompts
1
Ryan works hard to keep his family's situation a secret. Why do you think he was so afraid to tell people, even his friends or Nicki? What do you think would have happened if he had told someone earlier?
2
Ryan's mother is so depressed she can't get out of bed, leaving him to care for his brother. Do you see her as a sympathetic character? Why or why not? How did your feelings about her change during the story?
3
Nicki plays an important role in encouraging Ryan to open up. In what ways did her own family experiences help her understand Ryan? Do you think Ryan could have found help without her?
4
At the end of the book, Ryan finally calls his aunt for help. What do you think was the final 'breaking point' that made him make that call? Was it a moment of strength or weakness?
5
The title is 'Try Not to Breathe'. What do you think this title means in the context of Ryan's story and the stress he is under?
