
A parent should reach for this book when their toddler or preschooler has started hitting out of frustration. Hitting is a common, but challenging, phase when little ones lack the words to express their big feelings. Written by a child psychologist, this book directly addresses the behavior, explaining in simple terms why hitting isn't okay because it hurts others. It then offers a toolbox of positive, concrete alternatives, like squeezing a pillow, stomping feet, or getting a hug. It's an excellent, practical guide for teaching emotional regulation, empathy, and safe ways to express anger, turning a difficult moment into a learning opportunity.
The book deals directly with physical aggression (hitting). The approach is secular, direct, and psycho-educational. It frames hitting not as a moral failing but as a common reaction to frustration that needs to be replaced with a more appropriate skill. The resolution is entirely hopeful and empowering, giving the child a sense of agency and a toolkit of strategies to use.
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Sign in to write a reviewThe ideal reader is a 2 to 4-year-old who is currently in a hitting phase. This could be a child struggling with a new sibling, adjusting to preschool or daycare, or a toddler whose frustration is outpacing their verbal skills. It's for the child who needs a simple, visual, and concrete script for what TO do, not just what NOT to do.
This book is best used as a tool, not just a one-time read. A parent should preview the suggested alternatives and be prepared to facilitate them. For example, if the book suggests a cozy corner, it's a good idea to create one. If it suggests squeezing playdough, have some available. The book is designed to be read cold, but its effectiveness is magnified when the parent is ready to co-regulate and practice the techniques with the child. The parent has just had to intervene after their toddler hit a sibling over a toy, hit a friend at a playdate, or even hit the parent themselves in a moment of anger. The trigger is witnessing the physical lashing out and feeling helpless about how to correct it effectively.
A 2-year-old will primarily connect with the clear images and the simple rules: "hands are not for hitting" and "squeeze a pillow instead." They will learn through imitation. A 4 or 5-year-old can engage more with the 'why' (it hurts others) and begin to internalize the strategies, consciously choosing an alternative when they feel their anger rising. They can also start to verbalize their feelings more, using the book as a jumping-off point.
Authored by a PhD in child psychology, this book is grounded in evidence-based practices for toddler emotional regulation. Its primary differentiator is its extremely direct, clear, and action-oriented approach. Unlike narrative books that embed a lesson in a story, this is a practical, explicit instruction manual for toddlers. The focus on a variety of physical, sensory-based alternatives is particularly effective for this age group.
This is a nonfiction concept book, not a narrative story. It opens by acknowledging the feeling of anger or frustration that leads a child to hit. It then clearly states that hitting is not okay because it hurts people. The majority of the book is dedicated to providing a series of positive, actionable alternatives to hitting. Each page or spread illustrates a different coping strategy, such as squeezing a stress ball or playdough, hitting a pillow, stomping feet, belly breathing, finding a cozy corner, or asking a grown-up for a hug. The illustrations feature a diverse group of toddlers modeling these behaviors in relatable situations.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.