A parent might reach for this book when their teen is processing a major loss and expressing their grief through anger, sarcasm, or withdrawal. It validates the messy, contradictory feelings that come with losing a loved one. After their mother’s sudden death, sisters Parisa and Nima are uprooted from California and sent to live with their estranged, traditional Iranian grandfather in a small Washington town. The story follows the girls as they navigate their own distinct forms of grief, clash with their grandfather’s strict rules, and uncover family secrets that explain why their mother left home years ago. It’s an honest, often bitingly funny, and ultimately hopeful look at how families can fracture and then reform in the wake of tragedy, making it a powerful read for teens aged 14 and up.
A parent might reach for this book when their teen is processing a major loss and expressing their grief through anger, sarcasm, or withdrawal. It validates the messy, contradictory feelings that come with losing a loved one. After their mother’s sudden death, sisters Parisa and Nima are uprooted from California and sent to live with their estranged, traditional Iranian grandfather in a small Washington town. The story follows the girls as they navigate their own distinct forms of grief, clash with their grandfather’s strict rules, and uncover family secrets that explain why their mother left home years ago. It’s an honest, often bitingly funny, and ultimately hopeful look at how families can fracture and then reform in the wake of tragedy, making it a powerful read for teens aged 14 and up.
The book is centrally focused on grief, family trauma, and loss.
LanguageModerate
Contains realistic teen profanity and swearing, including f-bombs.
Substance ReferencesMild
Teen characters drink alcohol at a party.
Romantic ContentMild
Includes kissing and discussions about attraction and relationships.
Sensitive Topics
The book deals directly and frankly with the death of a parent. The grief is not sanitized; it is portrayed as a raw, angry, confusing, and ongoing process. The approach is entirely secular. The resolution is realistic and hopeful: the pain of loss doesn't disappear, but the characters find a path toward healing and forming a new kind of family. The story also explores intergenerational and cultural clashes within an Iranian-American family.
Ideal Reader
A teen, 14-17, who is experiencing grief and feels more anger than sadness. This reader might feel isolated, misunderstood, and frustrated by platitudes. They will connect with a protagonist who is prickly, flawed, and resists processing her trauma in a neat, tidy way. This reader also appreciates humor that doesn't shy away from dark topics.
Parent Prep
Parents should know the book contains some profanity (including f-bombs), underage drinking at a party, and romantic situations (kissing, making out). The emotional themes are intense and unflinching. It can be read cold, but a parent might want to be prepared to discuss the idea that it's okay to be angry at someone you've lost or at the world in general. The parent has witnessed their teen lashing out, being unusually sarcastic, or saying things like, "I'm fine," when they clearly are not, following a family loss or trauma. The parent is worried about the anger and is looking for a story that shows it's a normal, if difficult, part of the grieving process.
Age Experience
A younger teen (13-14) will likely connect with the fish-out-of-water school story, the sibling dynamics, and the budding romance. An older teen (15-18) will more fully appreciate the nuanced exploration of complex grief, the protagonist's internal struggle with her identity, and the complicated family history she uncovers.
What Makes It Special
Among many YA books about grief, this one stands out for its direct and unapologetic focus on anger. It normalizes the less 'sympathetic' emotions of loss. The protagonist's biting humor and the specific cultural lens of being second-generation Iranian American navigating family expectations add unique layers not often seen in this genre.
Read plot summary
Five months after the sudden death of their single mother, Iranian-American sisters Parisa (17) and Nima (15) are sent from their home in California to live with their conservative maternal grandfather in Washington state. The sisters, who are grieving in very different ways, must adapt to a new school, new social dynamics, and the strict, unfamiliar rules of a grandfather they barely know. The story follows Parisa's angry, sarcastic journey through grief as she tries to uncover the mystery of why her mother was estranged from her family for so many years, all while navigating her relationship with her sister and a potential new romance.
This overview was generated by AI based on the book's content and reviews, and may not capture every nuance.
Discussion Prompts
1
Parisa often expresses her grief through anger, lashing out at her sister Nima and her grandfather. Do you think anger is a valid part of grieving? Why or why not?
2
The title is 'I Miss You, I Hate This.' Who or what do you think the 'I Hate This' part refers to? Is it just the situation, her grandfather's rules, or something deeper?
3
Parisa and Nima grieve in very different ways, which causes a lot of conflict between them. How did their relationship change after their mother's death, and did they learn to understand each other's pain by the end?
4
At the beginning of the book, Grandpa Abol is portrayed as a very strict, unsympathetic character. How did your opinion of him change as Parisa learned more about her family's past?
5
Parisa felt she had to be the 'strong' one for her mom before she died. How do you think this role affected the way she dealt with her own grief afterwards?
